Clown-face

As I see it, telling a story is in many ways like putting on make-up (Not that I wear make-up). If you look like you're wearing make-up (so I hear) you're doing it wrong. If the person hearing the story, or watching the movie, or listening to the song, can see you telling the story, you're doing it wrong. You see this when characters act unnaturally in order to advance the story or to explain points of the plot. If you've ever watched a horror story and have found yourself shouting at the screen "Don't go in there!" you've seen this in action. Why is the character acting so stupid? Because if they didn't, the story wouldn't advance.

I remember my wife complaining about a scene in the version of "Pride and Prejudice" with Keira Knightly. The scene involves one character explaining "entailment" (The rules by which property is inherited according to stodgy old English law) to another character. It is set up fairly poorly, and seems awkward to anyone who knows Jane Austen, because anyone back then would be very familiar with the concept of entailment. It is like having a scene where one character explains to another how a can-opener works, just in case someone in the audience has never seen one. Of course, many people who watched that movie didn't know what entailment is or how it works, so the filmmakers may have been justified in their attempt to fit an explanation into the story. Perhaps there is a better example.

How about "The Mist?" (Movie Version). In case you haven't seen it:

SPOILER ALERT.

But don't worry. The end pretty much spoiled the story already. Have overcome various dangers and horrors, the Hero and his followers have run out of gas in the middle of the road, presumably with monsters all around. Seeing no way out of their predicament, and not wishing that the others suffer, the hero pulls out a gun and shoots them all.

Ok, stop.

The man who never gave up hope no matter what is undone by an empty tank of gas? It is completely contradictory to his actions up to this point. I would expect him to perhaps sit in the car (where they are completely safe, btw) and ponder his options maybe. Or give the gun to one of his companions and set off on his own to look for help. I would not expect this from him though. This is starting to smell like "because it's in the script"

Continuing on. Having used up all his bullets on the others, the man jump out of the car hoping some monster will finish the job on him. He hears a loud rumbling and suddenly out pops the military, somehow blowing away the mist with leaf blowers or something. Everything is ok, nothing to see here folks, this guy's has just killed his child and friends for no reason. At this point, Stephen King and the Director both pop out from behind a tree, point at the hero, and shout "Hah, Gotcha! In your face!"

I mean, seriously.

It's almost as if there was a subtitle on the screen right before the end that said, "Wouldn't it suck if this happened?" It's senseless, it's doesn't improve the story in anyway, and it was obviously put in there to shock the audience. Your storyteller is showing, Mr. Movie, and it's not pretty.

Modern Christmas songs, and country songs all year long, are also prone to this. In particular, the shameful "Shoe Song," which is what inspired me to write this in the first place. The songs basic story:

"Hello, I am a poor little boy whose family cannot afford food or clothes and I am using all of my Christmas money to buy my mommy a pair of shoes because she loves shoes so much. I love my mommy so much and even though she can't walk I know she'll love these shoes, only I have to get them quickly because she is dying and I want to make her happy before she dies and then my daddy and I will go back to the cardboard box we live in behind the 7-11 and likely starve to death but we will be happy because we have each other and because we made mommy happy by getting her new shoes. Aren't I pitiful."

Bleah.

It would be incredibly sad if the songwriter HADN'T MADE THE WHOLE STORY UP JUST TO MAKE US FEEL BAD! What is the point of that? It is so ridiculously over the top in its attempt to be pathetic that it becomes a joke. It is one thing to write a story or song that is meant to evoke emotion in the reader/listener. In fact, a good story or song should evoke emotion. It doesn't quite work when you write across the whole thing in big red letters "YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAD NOW. PLEASE PROCEED"